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Number of the Week: Father’s Day Hotline – 202-629-9234 There has been a lot of controversy surrounding the word “motherf*cker.” Mostly because it simultaneously invokes the images of sex and your mom, a crime that will soon be punishable by death or castration (though I’d personally opt for death). But if you’ve ever had the talk about the birds and the bees, then you know that at some point, your mom got it on. It may even have been with the man you’ve come to know as your father. I don’t know. I haven’t seen the paternity test results on Maury yet. The point is that I don’t think “motherf*cker” is as bad a word as once believed. At its core, it means “one who f*cks or has f*cked a mother.” This happens to be an accurate description of most of our fathers. Obviously, if you’re one of the less than 1% of the population that was immaculately conceived (I’m looking at you, Obama), most of this doesn’t apply to you. Go put an end to world hunger or something. The rest of you, read on and call 202-629-9234 to get a better idea of where I’m coming from. Following this logic, we wouldn’t be here today if our dads hadn’t been motherf*ckers. So why do we consider this to be such a bad thing? Why cover our proud heritage with taboo? It makes no sense. Some of the most well-known modern users of this classic “swear word” have popularized the word’s negative meaning: Eminem calling Sasha Baron Cohen’s Bruno a motherf*cker at the latest MTV Movie Awards, Bruce Willis addressing terrorists as motherf*ckers immediately before placing them on a one-way express train to hell, and Samuel L. Jackson…well… in every aspect of his everyday life, I assume. I’m pretty sure he drops F-bombs when he’s picking up his kids from daycare. He’s Samuel L. Jackson. He doesn’t give a f*ck.  Pictured: Samuel L. Jackson not giving a f*ck. With this volcano of hot, molten negativity, how can you not think it’s wrong to use this word? And, yeah, maybe your parents told you it was wrong, too, but think about it: these are the same people who lied to you in the first eight to ten years of your life about Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and trans fats. Are you going to believe them now? Hell no! So believe me when I say that the revolution is here. We can and will rise up to reclaim “motherf*cker” for the good of all mankind! Our first act of empowerment will be to rename Father’s Day to Motherf*cker’s Day since all fathers are, by literal definition, motherf*ckers. Until Dad Overhears me Using Cuss Words, DeVon
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