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The Numbers
- Most Popular Humor Hotlines!
- How To Keep an Idiot Entertained: 401-285-0696
- Outsource-A-Friendship To India: 267-436-5128
- Psychiatric Hotline: 973-409-3277
- Santa Hotline (Not for Kids!): 772-257-4661
- The Original Rejection Hotline®: 212-660-2245
- Bad Breath Notification Number: 631-960-7187
- It Could Always Suck More!: 401-992-4050
- Marijuana Legalization Line: 781-452-0647
- The "Human Resources" Hotline: 786-837-9893
- The "Make It 18" Hotline: 772-257-4488
- New Releases
- The "Get Over It" Hotline: 267-436-5063
- The Divorce Hotline: 631-403-2016
- The Official Breakup Hotline: 781-452-0659
- Bible Stories in 60 Seconds: 240-258-4010
- Call A Thanksgiving Turkey: 781-452-4017
- Dating Nightmare: 973-409-3273
- Outsource-A-Breakup To India: 631-403-2029
- The "Free Marijuana" Hotline: 267-436-5129
- The International Relationship Hotline: 917-475-0065
- The Urgent Message Hotline: 240-258-4005
- Pranks, Tricks and Jokes
- Prankster's Assistant Hotline: 781-452-0842
- The "Rick Roll" Hotline: 772-257-4501
- Annoying Sound: 781-452-2666
- Bad Connection (female): 786-837-9897
- Bad Connection (male): 202-629-9226
- Breaking News: 267-385-3706
- Do You Even Know?: 202-629-9224
- Frustration Hotline: 484-271-2468
- Mind Reader Hotline: 781-452-0841
- Suggestion Hotline: 973-474-9050
- Holiday Hotlines
- April Fools Day Assistance Hotline: 413-497-0033
- Best Valentines Gift EVER: 973-409-3278
- Call The Easter Bunny!: 973-409-3313
- For Singles on Valentine's Day: 401-992-4047
- Frosty The Snowman: 631-403-2011
- Get Over It Day (March 9): 267-350-8967
- Halloween Tragedy Prevention Line: 413-497-0074
- Hanukkah Harry Hotline: 772-257-4489
- Happy Father's Day: 772-257-4480
- Happy Mother's Day: 202-629-9227
- Business-Related Hotlines
- A Tip for Interviewing: 857-401-9189
- Employment Hotline: 401-992-4052
- Get out of Jail Hotline: 267-385-3705
- Investment Advice: 781-452-2078
- Professional Reference: 413-497-0051
- The "I Quit" Hotline: 413-497-0049
- The "You're Fired" Hotline: 413-497-0050
- Political Hotlines
- Obama Campaign Headquarters ('08): 917-475-0051
- Presidential Polling Center: 781-452-2074
- The "Billion Dollar Bailout" Hotline: 781-452-2073
- Bye Bye Bush: 917-475-0064
- Clinton Campaign Headquarters ('08): 917-475-0052
- McCain Campaign Headquarters ('08): 917-475-0050
- Sarah Palin's Cell Phone: 973-409-3264
- The Rejection Hotline®
- Almost... to Voicemail: 973-409-3264
- Australian: 202-629-9230
- British: 202-629-9216
- Call to Silence: 301-576-1106
- Definition Annoying: 917-475-0060
- Definition Pathetic: 786-837-9920
- Elderly: 401-992-4049
- Leave-A-Message Rejection Hotline (female): 845-290-8610
- Leave-A-Message Rejection Hotline (male): 973-409-3242
- Marshmallow: 401-992-4046
- Notification Numbers
- Body Odor Notification: 631-960-7171
- Booger Hanging Notification: 631-960-7169
- Stop Inviting Me to Stupid Groups!: 202-629-9219
- Stop Poking Me!: 202-629-9217
- Stop Writing on my Wall!: 202-629-9218
- Stuff in Teeth Notification: 631-960-7172
- You are a Facebook Addict!: 202-629-9220
- Relationship-Related Hotlines
- The "One-Night-Stand" Hotline: 212-201-3517
- The Breakup Bitch (mean): 202-629-9213
- The Breakup Butler (gentle): 401-427-2990
- Birth Control Reminder: 413-497-0047
- He's Not Right For You: 609-986-0369
- Pre Marital Sex vs Saving Yourself: 772-257-4484
- Safe Sex Reminder 1: 973-409-3317
- Safe Sex Reminder 2: 973-409-3318
- Safe Sex Reminder 3: 973-409-3319
- The Breakup Bitch (no more booty calls): 267-656-2028
- Other Hotlines
- Call for Luck: 781-452-0840
- Call to Confess: 646-717-8394
- High Gas Prices: 772-257-4485
- How Will You Remember MJ?: 413-497-0041
- Mime-On-Demand: 781-452-2659
- RH Brands Feedback Line: 401-992-4043
- Rooftop Comedy - Dog Fighting (Michael Vick): 917-475-0056
- Rooftop Comedy - Everybody Farts: 781-884-0040
- Rooftop Comedy - Fake Beer (UGA): 215-475-5067
- Rooftop Comedy - Global Warming: 772-257-4483
- International Hotlines
- Corazon Despedazado: 413-497-2056
- Int'l ''Go F*** Yourself'' Hotline: 401-285-2051
- Int'l ''I Love You'' Hotline: 401-285-2180
- Int'l ''Will You Have Sex With Me?'' Hotline: 772-257-4093
- Nacometro: 631-403-2014
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For situations when you just don't have the heart to tell them in person...
