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The Numbers
- Most Popular Humor Hotlines!
- How To Keep an Idiot Entertained: 401-285-0696
- Outsource-A-Friendship To India: 267-436-5128
- Psychiatric Hotline: 973-409-3277
- Santa Hotline (Not for Kids!): 772-257-4661
- The Original Rejection Hotline®: 212-660-2245
- Bad Breath Notification Number: 631-960-7187
- It Could Always Suck More!: 401-992-4050
- Marijuana Legalization Line: 781-452-0647
- The "Human Resources" Hotline: 786-837-9893
- The "Make It 18" Hotline: 772-257-4488
- New Releases
- Beer Goggles Hotline: 954-482-4332
- Gay Marriage Debate Line: 413-497-0148
- Ruminations: 631-403-2013
- "Twilight" Obsession Hotline: 973-409-3307
- Automated Sobriety Test: 781-452-3027
- Movie Hotline: 781-452-4066
- Public Service Announcement: 267-436-5115
- The "Loud Talkin' Redneck" Hotline: 401-285-0705
- The "Wanda Sykes Annoying Voice" Hotline: 401-285-0698
- The Divorce Hotline: 631-403-2016
- Pranks, Tricks and Jokes
- Prankster's Assistant Hotline: 781-452-0842
- The "Rick Roll" Hotline: 772-257-4501
- Annoying Sound: 781-452-2666
- Bad Connection (female): 786-837-9897
- Bad Connection (male): 202-629-9226
- Breaking News: 267-385-3706
- Circular ReDirect Hotline: 973-409-3469
- Do You Even Know?: 202-629-9224
- Frustration Hotline: 484-271-2468
- Mind Reader Hotline: 781-452-0841
- Holiday Hotlines
- 4th of July Hotline: 786-837-9925
- April Fools Day Assistance Hotline: 413-497-0033
- Best Valentines Gift EVER: 973-409-3278
- Call A Thanksgiving Turkey: 781-452-4017
- Call The Easter Bunny!: 973-409-3313
- Father's Day Hotline: 202-629-9235
- For Singles on Valentine's Day: 401-992-4047
- Frosty The Snowman: 631-403-2011
- Get Over It Day (March 9): 267-350-8967
- Halloween Tragedy Prevention Line: 413-497-0074
- Business-Related Hotlines
- A Tip for Interviewing: 857-401-9189
- Employment Hotline: 401-992-4052
- Get out of Jail Hotline: 267-385-3705
- Investment Advice: 781-452-2078
- Professional Reference: 413-497-0051
- The "I Quit" Hotline: 413-497-0049
- The "You're Fired" Hotline: 413-497-0050
- Political Hotlines
- Obama Campaign Headquarters ('08): 917-475-0051
- Presidential Polling Center: 781-452-2074
- The "Billion Dollar Bailout" Hotline: 781-452-2073
- Bye Bye Bush: 917-475-0064
- Clinton Campaign Headquarters ('08): 917-475-0052
- McCain Campaign Headquarters ('08): 917-475-0050
- Sarah Palin's Cell Phone: 973-409-3264
- The Rejection Hotline®
- Almost... to Voicemail: 973-409-3264
- Australian: 202-629-9230
- British: 202-629-9216
- Call to Silence: 301-576-1106
- Definition Annoying: 917-475-0060
- Definition Pathetic: 786-837-9920
- Elderly: 401-992-4049
- Leave-A-Message Rejection Hotline: 973-409-3242
- Marshmallow: 401-992-4046
- Piss off!: 401-992-4029
- Notification Numbers
- Body Odor Notification: 631-960-7171
- Booger Hanging Notification: 631-960-7169
- Stop Inviting Me to Stupid Groups!: 202-629-9219
- Stop Poking Me!: 202-629-9217
- Stop Writing on my Wall!: 202-629-9218
- Stuff in Teeth Notification: 631-960-7172
- You are a Facebook Addict!: 202-629-9220
- Relationship-Related Hotlines
- The "One-Night-Stand" Hotline: 212-201-3517
- The Breakup Bitch (mean): 202-629-9213
- The Breakup Butler (gentle): 401-427-2990
- The Official Breakup Hotline: 781-452-0659
- Birth Control Reminder: 413-497-0047
- Dating Nightmare: 973-409-3273
- He's Not Right For You: 609-986-0369
- Pre Marital Sex vs Saving Yourself: 772-257-4484
- Safe Sex Reminder 1: 973-409-3317
- Safe Sex Reminder 2: 973-409-3318
- Other Hotlines
- The "Get Over It" Hotline: 267-436-5063
- Call for Luck: 781-452-0840
- Call to Confess: 646-717-8394
- High Gas Prices: 772-257-4485
- How Will You Remember MJ?: 413-497-0041
- Mime-On-Demand: 781-452-2659
- RH Brands Feedback Line: 401-992-4043
- Rooftop Comedy - Dog Fighting (Michael Vick): 917-475-0056
- Rooftop Comedy - Everybody Farts: 781-884-0040
- Rooftop Comedy - Fake Beer (UGA): 215-475-5067
- International Hotlines
- Como Entretener un Idiota: 413-497-0079
- Como Evadir La Migre: 631-403-2010
- Como Trabajar para un Gringo: 413-497-0090
- Corazon Despedazado: 413-497-2056
- El Abogado Gringo: 267-436-5209
- Fresometro: 781-452-4038
- Int'l ''Go F*** Yourself'' Hotline: 401-285-2051
- Int'l ''I Love You'' Hotline: 401-285-2180
- Int'l ''Will You Have Sex With Me?'' Hotline: 772-257-4093
- Nacometro: 631-403-2014
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News Headlines Loading...Holiday Hotlines
Valentine's Day
Whether you single, dating, looking or lonely, we've got a Valentine's Day hotline for you!
Rated-R!
Some of our more "mature" holiday content. Lots of fun, but not suitable for younger audiences.
Tis the Season...
Click here for Hanukkah Harry, The New Year's Resolution Rant, and everyone's favorite, Santa Claus!
Other Holiday Humor Hotlines
Groundhog Day, April Fool's Day and our all-time favorite holiday, "Get Over It Day"